I never read the Yated, for various reasons, but once in awhile I like reading the letters to the editor. It's a good form of entertainment.
I read a letter this week written by a high school girl. Apparently, her older sister is in seminary this year. Since her parents are in chinuch, the seminary gave them a discount on tuition.
The issue is that the parents want the girl to come home for pesach and the seminary doesn't let. The reason being, that if they need the discounted tuition, they should not be spending money to bring her home. and if they could afford to bring her home, they did not need a discount.
So this girl is outraged, because who is the seminary to tell them how to spend their money? this girl is coming home to help her mother clean and cook for Pesach, and to be with family which is soooo important; the seminary should be aware of that!!
I would like to know where most people stand on this issue.
To me it is clear as day, that the seminary is correct. Bringing a girl home for Pesach is a luxury on top of a luxury (seminary is Israel being the first luxury).
A round trip ticket is expensive, and it is not fair to ask for discounts if they can afford this extra, unnecessary, expenditure.
As far as helping, and the importance of being with family - if this family feels that way, they should not have sent the girl away for a year. She will be home in a few months. And the reason she was sent away in the first place was for the experience of being away!
So please chime in, I would like to hear your opinions.
15 Comments:
this is really a tough one, but... I think that the sem is wrong. They should have told the parents from the start, that implicit in not paying full tuition, is that they won't spring for a ticket for ther daughter to return for Pesach or a simcha or any other reason.
Suppose someone else pays for the ticket, would that still be a problem? I understand that a Sem needs to make sure people pay whatever they can, but once they give a discount, placing additional 'restrictions' is unfair. Should they now check on the quality of suits and shaitels the parents buy?
I dont get her gripe at all...
The seminary as an independent institution has every right to decide who deserves to get a discount and who doesn't.
If she wants to pay full fare then she should go home..
I agree 100% with the seminary.
Much as I hate paying tuition I think the schools should a right to consider the unpayed portion a debt and consider reevaluating the parents situation 20 years later.
I know people who paid little tuition because they really couldn't afford to but 20 years later retired in luxary,spent outrageous amount of money on their childrens chasunas etc.(make fun of 'scnorers') and seemingly forgot that their childs school gave them hugh amounts of tzedokah in the form of discounted tuition.
I happen to agree with the seminary on this one, as too many people feign poverty when it comes to paying for tuition etc, yet find the money for plenty of luxuries in their lives!
In the good old days when people went to study in Israel, they would stay there for 2,3,4 0r even 5 years at a shot without returning home for Pesach. Somehow the parents managed to cook and clean without them.
Yes, perhaps the seminary should have told the parents up front that their policy is this, but I still agree with them in principle.
It's time people prioritized their lives a bit more and stop expecting everything for nothing!
p.s. I am not even getting into the whole argument about if girls should go to Israel for seminary in the first place!
here's another thought-- this girl may well get married and be out of the house in another year.
They had better get used to being without her HELP now!
almost frei: paying an extra 50 bucks for a better suit is not the same as 1000 bucks for a ticket. maybe a better suit lasts longer, so it's not really an expense...
and yeah, if she is wearing a 2000.00 shaitel she should not expect to get discounted tuition.
lakevent - agreed that it would be good for the school to have mentioned this policy up front.
Sem is right. Don't cry poverty and then spend $$ on luxuries. Isn't part of the sem 'experience' learning about 'mesiras nefesh?'
On the surface, it sounds like the Seminary is right.
However, I wouldn't dismiss the case so quickly without knowing the facts. There are some homes where without "the big girl's" help, Mommy can collapse....and I mean it literally.
ITF-
True, Pesach is a harder time of the year, but your scenario would seem to be that the girl should stay home a whole year!
Mega...I wrote a nice letter about this to the Yated about a year ago, and half was printed . If you like I can post it. But you know by now that everything in Lakewood is on the backs of "heiliga nashim tzidkonius" .. This is code for poor working suckers.
From the earliest age, boys are given ipods with mishnayos, prizes, avos u bonim, cholent, cookies, etc... free.
Lil girls can go to cooking, baking, and arts and crafts on Sunday that their parents pay thru the nose for.
So when they get to Seminary the attitude is we are going to get every dime we can out of you or its not necessary for you to go.
Semgirl,
Whoosh! Who are you angry at?
Thanks for the comments on my blog. Come again!
I'll throw in my 2-cents on this one. I happen to agree with the majority here i.e. L.V. ,David etc.
Schools have to pay the bills. Period. If you expect charity, then pay the price for that too. Stay in school. Better yet, get a PT job or help out in school to offset the expense of hosting your sorry a$$.
Yatzmich -
Pre-Pesach work is MUCH more and harder than in general. Perhaps they can manage without her during the rest of the year, but not before Pesach.
I'm only trying to show that there could very well be two sides to this.
sem girl, to add insult to injury, when it comes time to marry off those cute little boys, the girls have to get on line!!
but the girls--oh, yeah,if she's skinny and pretty, thus making her eligible, the girl's dad has to pay for the wedding, and pledge to support the couple for who knows how long, all for daughter to be able to marry this guy so she can do his laundry, cook his meals, clean his house, bear his children, SUPPORT HIM, and service him in other ways!
I have said it many times, a wife is a glorified slave.
megapixel and semgirl,
I hope your not serious but if you I can comfort you by telling you I know boys who fell into depression over being told endlessly that all their major sacrifice for Torah ,learning endlessly,making shachris with a minyan etc is all just because they aren't on tha high madregah women are.A lady who did nothing but marry a talmid chochem or a single girl doing nothing other then paying lip service to how much her HUSBAND will learn and her 'sacrifice' for it is just as good or better etc.
As we discussed, if you can't cough it up for tuition how can you cough it up for a flight home? Where I come from, if you can't cough it up YOU DON'T GO!
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