megapixel One of the hottest topics on blogs is the T word- tznius. These posts generate the most comments. I just want to say that I am in favor. Of tznius. That being said, I do tend to roll my eyes when I see another advertisement for aTznius speech. I dont really attend these. I have been hearing about it for a long time. I also get annoyed when the reaction to a tragedy is another tznius gathering.
Someone I know was involved in a little car accident. Frum woman hits frum man. The guy comes out of his car yelling "So now there's gonna be another speech about tznius! Dont blame everything on tznius! Why dont you learn how to drive!" It was Funny!
Recently someone started these friday evening groups all around town for girls, to teach tznius in a fun way. The kids go after Licht bentchen, they hear stories and get some candy, whatever. I sent my daughter who is 6 years old, I thought she would enjoy going out. The next week she did not want to go. I asked her why not. " all they talk about is tznius, and I already know everything about tznius!" I was thinking to myself, lady, you aint heard nothin' yet! Finally, I do think there is a problem, people need to pay attention to the way they look, but it is a sticky point, because they dont want the hear mussar from others. I did hear a Rabbi say that if you see a woman dressed inappropriately you should go over and tell her in a nice way that she is wrong. As in "you look like a good Jewish woman, but you probably dont realize that your hair is showing, and your skirt is a tad too short. I know if you realized it, you wouldnt wear it." There are two things I see wrong with this plan. 1- How do I know this person isnt a baalas teshuva, who last week was not covering her hair at all, or comes from a different background, and just wearing a skirt is a big step for her? 2- If she is from a frum background and is dressed like that, she knows exactly what she is doing, and my saying anything will not change her! Finally, as trends come and go, there will always be something to fight about, and I believe sometimes you have to step back and wait for the style to pass. I dont mean wearing short tops that expose the midriff when a girl bends down, cuz that is outright halacha. What I am referring to is styles that may offend someone's sensitivity rather that halacha. I.E. long skirts. I say, be glad the girls are wearing long skirts and you dont have to fight about short skirts. or banana clips. there is nothing wrong halachicaly, and if it bothers you, dont wear it. if you make an issue of it by assuring it, you will annoy the girls- make them sick of "the rules" and before you know it the style will be gone anyway, leaving just a bad taste in the mouths of girls. You have to pick your battles, or the girls/women will just roll their eyes whenever this topic comes up. Agree?
7 Comments:
I dont know...
Its a difficult issue.
I go to some communities where its not discussed and the tznius is out of control and only going to get worse..
On the other we have all your great points..
I just don't know..
Guess thats why I'm not a Gadol..
first of all i hope you now generate alot of comments. and second of all I completely agree that you never know who it is that you are looking at. NEVER NEVER judge! and never live in lakewood!
Uh oh....the dreaded T word.....I said it before and I'll say it again: My mom covered the whole bottom line in just one sentence. A lady needs to have self respect and dress with dignity and decorum. There....no posters, no redundant drashas, no bending the ears of poor little girls.
And this gets to the heart of the issue. I know many ladies whose knees, elbows, collarbones and hair are always meticulously covered but something is still missing....somehow they still dont achieve the refined, dignified and demure look for which a Bas Melech should strive.
Perhaps we should put more emphasis on the beauty and dignity of the bas yisroel. Instead of boring little girls with endless talks about hemlines, we should teach her how wonderful and special a Jewish girl is. Lastly, it wouldn't hurt if Jewish men were taught to treat Jewish women with the proper respect and dignity.
Thus, the Jewish woman would be motivated to dress in a way more suited to her special status. As an extra added bonus, the level of derech eretz would increase and it might even be a kiddush Hashem.
Lakewood Venter rolls his eyes........:-)
david- I havent been anywhere else, stuck here in Lakewood awhile. boy things sure have changed here, though.
chav-i agree w. your first point, although I have seen some women lately that caused me to raise my eyebrows at the way they were dressed. specifically, pregnant women who think they are angelina jolie and pregnancy is sexy. I dont need to know about it every time the baby kicks! and pregnancy is NOT sexy!
however your second point I must disagree with. I have been living in Lakewood for a long time. Let us not forget that being open minded includes openminded and tolerant toward people that are frummer that us, too. Everyone likes to forget this point.
semgirl - theoretically, I like it. i wonder how this would play out in reality. You do need to teach kids some guidelines... and what do you mean about Jewish men treating women with respect. I thought we have that pretty good - care to elaborate?
Venter- sorry. maybe next time we can talk about something more juicy...
tuesday-puking and varicose veins is not my idea of sexy!!
Intelligent argument.
Indeed for all the bystander knows the not enough (according to who??) Tzinesdike clad women, may very well have made an effort on that day and with a remark she may never bother again.
In fact it's said (I don't remember the source) that if you see someone sinning and you suspect he/she might not change their ways after your rebuke it's better not to say anything as in this manner they only sin unknowingly.
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