There are lots of things that are just a part of our own subset of cultural norms. Such as, you have to buy a kallah a diamond bracelet, etc- its expected. These things just do not exist in general secular society. Some are good, some not so good. Actually, for the kallah it's quite good - free diamond bracelet. Not so good for the chassan's parents, though. Anyway, the thing that really BUGS me is that pressure to outwardly appear that everything in our lives is perfect and under control. I call it the Matching Outfits Syndrome, because everything is obviously so perfect in our lives that we also have the money, time and energy and organization to pull off matching outfits for all our kids. G'd forbid your kids dont all match, must be a sign that all is not well or chas veshalom you are not geshikt enough to pull it off. I sometimes wish there would be some type of group meeting where other like minded frum women would gather and each would get up and say things like: Hi my name is Devorah and I am not coping. I just had a massive fight with my husband. My teenage son is at risk. My daughter didnt have a clean uniform shirt so I had to pull one out of the dirty laundry hamper this morning. My ten year old has ADHD. I have 12,000 in credit card debt and i just bounced four checks. My kids dont get ready nicely in the morning and the only way to get them ready for school is to promise them chocolate bars for breakfast. We havent eaten vegetables in two weeks. Boy, if we could only get ourselves to speak out, that would take that pressure off- of always having to look perfectly put together and perfectly happy and serene. The world would be a better place.