what a difference two generations makes.
A guy I know commutes to the city every day, so people frequently call him and ask for rides. Since he is going to work, his "policy" is simple. He leaves at six oclock. If you are on his driveway at six, you come along. He does not wait for you. He does not charge.
So one day he was driving this young woman and baby back to Lakewood, and as they arrive in town, she starts telling him where she lives like she is expecting door to door service.
So he says, I take you to my driveway, call your husband and ask him to pick you up.
"Well my husband is not available."
"So call someone else." he told her.
Sure enough she managed to find a sister who came and got her.
(why would she assume that this guy would go all the way to her house - it's forty minutes to get across town and back. Like cuz her husband is not available, it becomes his problem to take care of her.)
A couple of months later, he was giving a ride to an older woman who just happened to be the grandmother of the previous woman. When they reached town, she told him, just drop me off at Squankum and I will hitch a ride...
Since she was elderly, and also the wife of a chashuva rav, he insisted on driving her all the way, out of kavod.
All the way, she was insisting, it's okay, dont go out of your way, I know you're busy, I'll get a ride... etc.
what do you make of that?
14 Comments:
Guess it's not genetic..
I'm guessing the difference is as follows.The grandmother probably lives in Brooklyn where people walk everywhere and taking a car is a hassle so therefore she had no problems with walking and didn't want someone to drive extra for her.The granddaughter probably lives in Lakewood and is used to going by car everywhere so the idea of not getting a ride suprised her.Plus I'm assuming the granddaughter has more children and pressing things to take care of the the grandmother so she had less time to make her own arangements.Third the grandmother probably doesn't drive whereas the grandaughter probably does and she is probably used to driving people all over town herself which is why she expected to be driven herself.
Go easy on the granddaughter. Usually when someone gives you a ride, it's to your house, not to his house. So not so appalling that woman gives driver directions to her house, assuming that that's what he had in mind.
So, she didn't know this guy's policy and now she finds herself being told that she will be left off, with a baby, 20 minutes from home. Again, not so bad to tell driver that husband not available.
You don't leave a woman with a baby in the cold in your driveway and go inside for a hot coffee. A woman with a baby, you take home, to hell with your policy.
People are being more and more selfish these days, it's disgusting.
yated-
you are assuming things.
a- who said it was cold?
b- you think he didnt let her come in and use the phone/wait inside?
c-maybe he even offered her coffee.
d- the extra service would cost him 40 minutes- why should he go out of his way for a complete stranger 40 minutes WHO HAS HER OWN FAMILY TO TAKE CARE OF HER?
She is not a tzedaka case. She is just so used to sponging off others that it comes naturally to her; she assumes she has it coming.
That is my take on this whole thing.
chana malkah- I believe you missed the entire point I was trying to make.
the older woman, never mind where she lives, had the feeling that she didnt want to inconvenience another human being on her behalf. Therefore she insisted that he not take her. Finished.
The younger woman had no such qualms.
Let me ask you a question:
Say you were at the grocery and a woman with a baby and a few bags stopped you and said she needed a ride, and you know that with traffic conditions, etc. it would take you 20 minutes there and another 20 minutes back home. Would you do it?
What do you mean "WHO HAS HER OWN FAMILY TO TAKE CARE OF HER?" In that case, why didn't they pick her up from Brooklyn???
Answer: She got a ride from Brooklyn! A ride to the service center on the parkway so the HER OWN FAMILY can pick her up from there? No, a ride all the way to Lakewood! Wow, I can't believe it! Well, you brought her to Lakewood? Do me a favor, just take her home already.
Don't give me this policy s--t. It's not a policy that I drive to Lakewood and your on your own, It's a policy of I DON'T GIVE RIDES! But if you sit in the back and don't make a sound, I let you in my car.
And even if you do have a "policy" you can break your rule once in a while, nothing will happen. Sheesh!
And by the way, It wouldn't cost him 40 minutes. When your coming from the highway, there are a few ways to get in ti Lakewood, maybe just MAYBE it would have cost him 10 minutes. Give me a break.
Duh....one is a big mitzva of honoring a zokon or zakena, one is a just a spoiled lil brat.
The yated
You obviously don't commute if you can't understand why the driver doesn't want to go out of his way.Yes he is doing a favor by giving someone a FREE ride.If you don't like his policy then don't go with him.That being said I agree with CM that it's not outrageous for the lady to have thought she would get door to door service.(I also agree with the driver not breaking his policy)
whoa yated- berel is right.
you obviously dont commute. here's a guy who -
-gets up really really early in the morning
-drives all the way in to the city
-WORKS a full day
-drives all the way back to Lkwd
That is a VERY long,strenuous day!!
and at the end of it all, I imagine all he wants is to go home and rest up a little so he can have energy to go out and learn.
I think he is entitled to his policy, dont forget he did this girl a great service AND saved her $14.00 on a bus ticket.
and you could look at it this way- he saved the family a good bit of tircha- they didnt have to go pick her up from brooklyn
I used to commute and now B"H I don't have to. Yes I agree that sometimes it can be a bit nudgy but if everybody would stop thinking about how "I saved her a bus ticket" and just focus on what you can do for somebody else for it's intrinsic value i.e. "shelo al minas likabel pras," then I think this world would be a better place.
I used to give rides all the time. Call me a big tzadik if you want but my chinuch is you don't drop someone off at the corner, you take him to his door.
The bottom line is do you want to do someone a favor or not. There are always cheshbonos not to do it. Yes he worked a whole day in NY or whatever. Bottom line, do you want to do someone a favor or not. Each individual person has to answer that question for himself.
But if your answer is no, Fine but let's call a spade a spade.
yated - can you give me a ride to Freehold mall?
my car is down and I really really need to get to the GAP.
My address is...
If i'm heading to NY, it would be my pleasure. Oh, i'll drop you off in front of the door, not just on Rt 9!!
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