Shidduch Crisis - yea or nay?

Is there really a shidduch crisis?

There has been a lot of talk about this. It has become a catch phrase. I think it is terrible. When you call something a crisis, it scares people and makes them feel desperate. Girls and even more so, mothers of girls, start to feel this pressure - hey there is a crisis out there. so they may do things they wouldnt normally do.

Such as start dating at a younger age than they would ideally want to. After all, they get this feeling that the window of opportunity is from 19 - 20 and if they miss this, they will be in trouble. Even though they would prefer not to get married quite that young.

Or maybe they would go out with and marry someone that is not really what they were looking for, but that feeling of impending crisis pushes them. But this is a decision that should not be made that way, and they could easily live to regret it in a bad way.

Maybe there is a crisis; people seem to think that you need major amounts of money to marry off your daughter and promise to support them forever etc...or else they wont get a date. If that is true the crisis is greed, not shidduchim.

however as a word of encouragement to those out there, look at the mazal tov sections. We see poor as well as rich girls getting engaged. so if the problem is money, how are the poor girls managing to get married?

And another thing - if guys were only interested in rich girls, how come there is yad devora lkallah, an organization which says it is helping out hundreds of poor kallahs? if poor girls are not wanted, this organization and others like it would not exist would they?

so what exactly is the problem - anyone know? I am not anywhere near the shidduch scene- I am too old and my kids are way to young- but if anyone out there knows something about it I would be interested in your input.

hello

Book Review

Recently I read a book called The Prize Winner of Defiance, Ohio-- How my mother raised 10 children on 25 words or less by Terry Ryan. It's not a new book, I just came across it. Basically Terry Ryan, who was one of a family of 10 children growing up in the 1950s writes about how her mother kept the family afloat. Her father had a dead end job in a factory-he earned $90.00 a week. He was an alcoholic, and spent $30.00 a week on his booze. The rest, $60.00 a week was what her mother had to run the house and feed her kids.

Obviously in the 1950s women did not work, especially a mother of 10 children. She would constantly enter contests that were popular in that era - come up with a jingle about Bic Razors! Describe in 25 words or less how you feel when you eat jello, write a slogan for Pepsi. etc. She was very talented and would come up with lots of different entries and send them in under different names- her kids, her own name spelled 10 different ways. She kept winning! sometimes stuff like bikes, toasters, sometimes cash, and occasionally a big win like a sportscar and big money.

This was how she supported her family. They were terribly poor, and it seems that whenever they were at a low point, some big win came through for them.

I suggest every mother (fathers could read it too) should read this book, because no matter how desperate things were, she always kept her household cheerful! her kids were happy kids, and she had a real challenge - a drunk husband, poverty, 10 children. While her husband was in the kitchen drunk, she was in the living room doing homework with her kids.

We can all learn from that. Most of us today live better than her, yet we dont manage to be content with our lot, and transmit that feeling to our kids.

I was looking it up on Amazon.com and I discovered that the book was made into a movie some time ago.

Me (singing): I believe I can fly,
I believe I can touch the sky
I think about it every night and day
spread my wings and fly away....

My son: What a loser! the guy sits around 24/7 thinking he could fly!!?!

I never win things. Regardless, I just did something I never do. I bought a raffle ticket. I never do this because I never win, and probably one of the reasons I never win is because I rarely buy raffle tickets. or chinese auction tickets.

But this is different, because the ticket is 100 bucks, and the prize is $100,000.00. And a hundred grand would solve a lot of my problems...

Also, the kid that convinced me to do this for his yeshiva was really cute - he told me that I win olam haba and maybe in olam hazeh, also. And the drawing is in two hours!!
So I gave him my credit card number...after making him promise to pray for me. And pledging some of my winnings to tzedakah.

Then I decided that some tehillim wouldnt be a bad idea, so I started to daven. Then some thoughts crossed my mind.

If I have alot of money, am I not really me? Being frugal and wondering how I am going to cover this month's bills is part and parcel of the ME that I know. If you take that away, will I not be myself somehow?

I once heard wise words from Rav Segal (manchester) He said as follows: Everyone has tzoris in life. Pray that your tzoris is financial, because all the other tzoris are worse. So if I get one hundred grand, and my money "tzoris" are solved, what?
Will this be a good thing?

SO as I am praying, my prayers are kind of half hearted already. DO I really want to win? Do prayers that are half hearted get answered?

And another thing. There is only one winner. So maybe there is someone else out there who is in a desperate situation and they need the money so much worse than I do. If I win, they cant. How would I feel about that?

Sooo, the question is, should I call them back and tell them to cancel the credit card charges and tear up my raffle?

Good cop, Bad cop
I had a bad cop experience a few years back. This guy pulled me over in Freehold late motzie shabbos for going thru a yellow light. Creep! I told him the light was not red and he said it was Amber. Amber- just calling a yellow light amber deserves a smack. anyway, he pulls his car around facing mine, which is very unusual and his flashing lights were totally blinding me and getting me very nervous. My kids were all in the car, freaking out cuz we had just been in an accident the week before and they were jittery anyway (Mommy are you going to jail?) So I turned on some music after the guy went to do his paperwork to cheer them up. Nothing happens for a while, the lights just flashing in my eye and me kicking myself in the butt. Finally I roll down the window cuz it was taking really long, and the guy calls me to come to him. This was totally confusing to me cuz I was always told you never get out of the car. So finally I go over to him, and tells me I wasnt wearing my seat belt - total lie. and gives me a ticket for the "amber" but he is doing me a big favor and not giving me a ticket for the seat belt. Creep. Then he tells me I was driving dangerously with 3 kids in the car, and I told him, in the interests of honesty "actually it was 4." He misconstrued my honesty and gives me this creepy smile and says "Congratulations!" I tried to fight the ticket but when I went to court he was there and again told me I went thru the amber. So it cost me 200.00.
The good cop story:
I was driving on the shoulder of a very crowded route 9 after work one day, hoping to get ahead just a bit. Wouldnt you know it after 5 seconds I get pulled over. The cop comes over to me and tells me he is going to have to give me a ticket. I sighed pathetically and put my head down on the steering wheel. The guy asked what's the matter and I told him I cant afford a ticket. I was pretty young then so he says, so get your parents to pay it. I said "but I'm married." then he looks into my car and sees two car seats. He says, you know, you probably cant afford this, I am gonna let you go! I wanted to hug him, but I restrained myself and just thanked him and told him what a nice guy he was.

More on Lakewood kids:

"Mommy, do eagles have seat belts?"---my six year old son


My four year old son inherited a pair of Superman pjs from his uncle. He was running around in them, and I said, "Look, you're Superman!" He started running around yelling "I'm Superman - Want soup?"

I was telling my 3 year old "The Three Bears". He interrupted with an important question "Where was Goldilocks' Tatty?"
"He was at work"
My son started to laugh hysterically. "Only Mommies go to work! Tatties go to Yeshiva!"

...And then this conversation I overheard between my five year old and the neighbor's five year old girl:
My son: Mommy, Leah pushed me
Me: Leah, did you push Moishi?
Leah: NO! I didnt
then Leah turns to Moishi and says: Now you have to give me a bracha!
Moishi: but I dont know how to
Leah: Just say, you should grow up to be a big tzadeikes!
Moishi: Okay, you should grow up to be a big tzadeikes.

Arent these great?