This is a very funny thing I overheard in my 8 year old nephew Ari's karate class:


Kid (obviously not Jewish): If that guy steps on you you'll be dead!

Ari: What? I am not blind, and I am not poor, and I dont have tzaraas, so why would I be dead?


and here is another funny story worth reading:

I was playing LIFE with my kids which is a game that imitates life - every player gets a minivan and then goes around the board, getting married, jobs, playing taxes and having children, which they get a little "baby" to put in their minivan.

After a short while, my son (12) looks around the board and says "Hey, I am the only one that doesnt have children! I better call Bonei Olam!"

Whenever i polish my few pieces of silver, by the time I am done, I say to myself "thank g'd no one gave me silver cutlery as a wedding gift cuz if they had, I would still be polishing. And here I am - all done!"

Well all I can say is that at this time of the year, I am SO glad that I don't have the things I sometimes think I need.
Another two bedrooms, and a basement for the kids to play in, a few more closets for storage - we know all too well that nature abhors a vacuum, and any space gets filled up with stuff that will inevitably need to be cleaned for Pesach. It is good to remind myself once in while that I dont need everything I think I need.

So BH I am that much closer to completing this daunting task.

I go by the theory that dust is not chometz. I do not put all the legos in the washing machine, etc. I need to keep reminding myself of this. I dont know how I would do it if I was the wall-scrubbing type. It's hard enough to clean the whole house from top to bottom my way. I think I would go crazy.

There must be something wrong with me. Every time I make arrangements to get a cleaning lady, she doesnt show. All I have is the 2 hours a week that my regular cleaning lady will give me. She is with me for several years and now charges $10 an hour. Who is going to scrub my stove? Not me, I hope.
I really hate to clean...So much rather be doing other fun things.
Oh well, at least the house will be clean, I tell myself.
From the way it looks right now, its hard to believe it will ever be clean.

What is YESHIVISH?

I was talking to my little (single) sister, who said that she and her friend from school, who happens to live near me, was talking about us, I dont know in reference to what, and mentioned that she didnt think our family is as yeshivish as hers.
SO, I think to myself - based on what?
Is Yeshivish-
Minhagim? (ultra orthodox behavior)
Hashkafa? (the ideal that learning Torah is of prime importance)
Lifestyle? (That typical image of a bashed up station wagon...)
In terms of minhagim and hashkafa, her family and mine are about equal. I dont think they would do anything we wouldnt do. as in, going to movies, etc. Both husbands are formerly in kollel and now work, but devote as much time as possible to learning. Both wives cover their hair completely, and follow all the other rules. Okay, maybe their kids go to schools that are a little more on the right of my kids schools. But that's about it.
The last option, lifestyle is different. They are loaded- megabucks and live a very lavish lifestyle while we are not loaded at all and just live a rather modest lifestyle. The image of a Yeshivish family with a bashed up station wagon they are not! In fact I do not drive a bashed up station wagon, but my minivan is a tad disreputable. So is YESHIVISH more of the first two, or is it a combination of all three components ?
If someone is very frum and has hasagos to learn as much as possible, but is living a lavish lifestyle, are they still considered yeshivish? Are they kicked out of the "group"?
And of course, does it really matter?
At this point in my life since I am not trying to get into schools, and my kids are too young to get married, it probably makes no difference. But I would like to know how to define a Yeshivish family.
Anyone?

I am in deep doo doo

In fact, my next post may be coming to you from the slammer.
I hope I can get kosher food in jail...

I was driving home from dropping daughter off at school, she missed her bus cuz yours truly did not get up in time.
Suddenly, I saw a cop behind me and the siren...
It occurred to me that i was being pulled over.
I hung up my cellular and quickly stuffed it in my pocket.
I had the speaker phone on and the phone was kind of on my lap, so I couldnt imagine what he wanted.
Anyway, the cop approached the window, in that menacing way they have, that you know you're doomed.
Did you see that school bus with the stop sign out?
HUH? no! I say politely. and then explain that I was having a rough morning.
Well, its gonna get rougher, he tells me.
And then he wrote me out a ticket.



It seems from various conversations I have had that this is a MAJOR offense and I will be sharing a cell with some real BAD BOYS
5 points on my otherwise squeaky clean license
30 days in jail or community service
possible suspension of license


SO now I have to hire a LAWYER and spend lots of $$$ which I was gonna send to my kid's school in the form of tuition payments.

OH, and by the way, does anyone out there happen to know the groceries' return policy on WAFER ROLLS?

Hi everyone. Hope you all had a great and safe Purim. Mine was actually better than usual. I dont really know why, but it just was. Today i received a call from InfoLine with an announcement to the effect that as of tomorrow there will be no school for any girl's high schools in Lakewood, because not everyone is in a high school. What is going on here? I thought all the girls in the school that closed down were reshuffled and distributed in all the existing schools. (Sounds like a deck of cards, doesnt it) Anyone have any info on this? All I can say is I feel really bad for these nice kids, and hope they arent totally turned off the derech over this. And I hope it is resolved by the time my daughter is ready for high school.

the thing about purim

not to jump on the bandwagon of purim bashers, but I would like to know if I am the only one who, in the past several years, have noticed a tremendous upsurge in the amount of SHNORRING that goes on.

You cant walk 5 feet without being accosted by a schnorrer, many times some snotnosed kid with his hand out pretending to be drunk and thinking its cute to demand MONEY.
I dont find it cute.

It's almost like thats the thing to do: on Pesach you eat matza, on Simchas Torah you dance and on Purim you collect!

The only other thing I can think of, is that if you are collecting, you dont have to give. Therefore to avoid being collected from, you get a nice warm mushy "tzedaka case" and go out there and collect yourself!

A Moral Dilemma

okay, here's a moral dilemma for you to chime in on. Just pretend your'e Dr. Laura or whatever...

Company A hires Employee B to do sales, in her own home at her own pace. She is not getting a salary, but rather a commission when she does a sale. In the beginning B does her job contacting people on her list and introducing herself to potential new customers.
When she doesnt get orders immediately, she loses interest, and then stops working.
She doesnt want to follow up with her contacts, claiming it is not important even thought Boss C at Company A tells her this is what needs to be done.

2 months pass with nary an order in sight, and she finally says "I retire, this job is not for me"
Boss C says, "okay, so send back the lists you worked from, and I will get someone else to follow up with these people."

1 weeks passes, and lo and behold, one of the people on B's list call and place a rather large order.

The Dilemma :

Does Company A need to give ex-Employee B a commission on this sale?

a-She left the company so she is officially gone. (when an employee leaves, they forfeit any customers they may have brought to the company)
b-This order came about entirely thru her.
c- she will never know she brought in an order.

My thoughts:
I think gone is gone- when she walked out the door, it was officially over.
However, if I were her, I might think I am entitled to the commission.

what do y'all think?